Marriage

We all know that marriage is work. It's not easy. I will be married 28 years in October. People are surprised when I say that and then say, but I don't have a marriage, or a husband. Rich's brain tumor and subsequent health issues have changed the dynamic of our lives dramatically. He is more child-like now and very un-husband-like. Now, I know women always say their husband's are like children, but mine is really more like a child than a husband. I miss having a partner and all that goes with it. It's very lonely. I go through the motions of everyday life, but when I am home I feel exhausted and empty. Sometimes I stare at Rich and wonder who he is. He does not resemble the man I married. I would not have married this man. He is a stranger. Every now and then a glimpse of the "old" Rich comes through. But it's a fleeting glimpse. And then I am more frustrated than before. Recently, Rich bought a dog as a Christmas gift for me. Ranger is a 9 month old Hungarian Vizsla and he's the best thing that's happened to all of us. He brings so much happiness and energy into our home. For almost 4 years I've been saying that happiness comes to our house to die. Ranger makes us all laugh and laughter really is the best medicine. Amazingly, he's made a change in my husband, because Rich has to take the focus off himself while taking care of Ranger all day while I'm at work. I believe that Ranger was God-sent to us to help us heal and move on. Finally...a bit of light after the long darkness that has been the aftermath of Rich's brain tumor. Hope is a wonderful incentive. I don't know that my marriage can ever recover, but at least we are having some fun and laughs again.